Arrangements of arranged marriage III: Why (Indian) Women keep more fasts than men?

This all started when my friend (addressed here as b2) asked me (addressed here as Jaz) a question which was slightly angled towards gender bias. The answer that I gave her forms the theme of this blog.

B2: Saawan ka month jaz ...r u fasting?

Jaz: I don’t fast ever b2….

B2: Obviously, why will you fast, in the Indian tradition…only girls fast, (though) I never get the logic.

Jaz: It’s a very simple logic…girls have way higher demand than men…so they have to fast more.

So for my international readers, ‘Saawan’ is the month of monsoon rains in India. This month is traditionally dedicated to the worship of lord Shiva- the God of destruction. It is believed that if a girl fasts all the Mondays in this month and worships lord Shiva, she would get the groom of her choice. Similarly there are fasts for Tuesdays dedicated lord Hanuman, the God of strength. On Thursdays it is dedicated to lord Vrahaspati (Indian version of Jupiter planet). On Friday for Santoshi Mata, the goddess of power and she is deemed to fulfill all the wishes. On Saturday for lord Shani (or Indian version of planet Saturn), who seems to bring you a very bad luck if he is unhappy and a very good luck if he is happy with you. (I am not kidding, one of my ex room- mate believes that his recent attack of shingles was due to Lord Shani and he pleases lord Shani by having Jack Daniel’s every Saturday night). Sunday fasts are for the Sun God (wasn’t hard to guess, I know).

All of these fasts are mostly tailor-made for women. They hand pick one of the days of the week (some brave ones more than one) in some part of their lives and try to please that specific God. As the tale goes, Goddess Parvati won lord Shiva by keeping the Monday fasts; ladies today try to repeat the fact (not sure if they finally get Shiva). Apart from the fasts mentioned above I have seen the ladies going in for two more fasts: Karvachauth, which is for the long life of the husband (these days even fiancées and boyfriends) and Sakat, which is for the long life of the son.

Now, why are only women being pestered? Why do they need to keep all the fasts while men don’t? Well the answer is really very simple. The fact is the ladies demands are way higher than men’s. They need to go for the Monday fasts for getting a groom of their dreams; one who is handsome, smart, earns well, has a stable future (I don’t need to read the list- you already know it). For men, 2 pegs down, any woman is The woman of his dreams. For women once they get married, they generally don’t want their husbands to die (its not only about the money, but who wants to go through the trouble of more Mondays to find a new groom?). Hence, The ‘karvachauth’. Men do not need to fast on karvachauth, because once married, they pray every day for their women to leave them (here the demands are quite contrary to what can be fulfilled by keeping fasts).

A fact that most of the girls are forced by their moms to go through the fasting process shows that men are somehow disconnected and disassociated with this fasting process. Is there a data to support this fasting process? Like, did anyone (with the exception of Parvati) get the groom of her dreams?  The answer is who cares for that when so many people are getting fooled without looking at the data?

For us, we men look at the data actually. So we see people working out at the gym and building muscles, which leads often to the creation of huge impression on girls. Hence we take steroids, protein and work out daily at the gym. Often impress girls.

Conclusion: Statistical approach and result oriented exercises lead to finding better matches than blind faith.  

Arrangements for arranged marriage – Part II

Is there REAL love <3 in love marriages?

I always had this question on how old (or ancient) is the concept of an arranged marriage? Specially in India. Was the marriage between Ram and Sita entirely arranged? What about Shiva and Parvati? Do animals follow an arranged marriage tradition? I could finally find an answer to these questions. In those ages, (so it seems) it was the concept of more powerful. In those days, Sita had a ‘swayamvara’ and Ram had to show his power by correctly attaching the string of a bow, which other kings could hardly lift. Same was true for all the other renowned princesses. Also in case of animals, like the king of the jungle, the most powerful lion takes the ownership of the herd and marries (or whatever they call it in the jungle) the lioness. It actually trickles down from the need of the fairer sex and the kids to be protected. The fairer sex looks for more power and protection for her family. So ultimately, my point is that since it’s the nature of all the (let’s say) mammals to be with the strongest animal in their specie, we can’t really say that we actually have a tradition of love or arranged marriages.

Finally, one becomes enlightened and discovers that it is still the most powerful guy who has the best chances. Whether you go for love or arrange, statistically speaking, the girl settles down with the most powerful (here in terms of wealth, career, future) amongst all the competing suitors. Now, some of the readers from the fairer sex might contest this fact saying that this is utter b.s. and that they would rather go for a guy with better nature/ stronger character and maybe even less bright future than with a guy who has a very bright future, but is a complete jerk. I totally agree with you, but you won’t settle down with a guy who is not earning a single penny but is an angel from the sky. In love marriages the female would look for the most powerful suitor and in arranged marriages the family of the female would look for same. For example, a guy having a degree from IIM-A will surely win ‘the’Sita when competing with the school dropouts who have no chance (until they are as successful as Bill Gates).Or let me put it the other way, statistically speaking, a lady graduating from IIM-A will not settle down with a jobless guy or one having no career. I conclude that the classification of marriages in love and arranged categories is essentially flawed when the only thing that one is looking for is the most powerful suitor. Because motive staying the same, love or arranged then just becomes a matter of whether you found your match or your parents did. Everyone knows of cases where people had breakups because the girl was moving to a different country, getting a ten times better job, getting a marriage offer from a very rich family. (Aish with Salman-Vivek- Abhishek) or to the more knowledgeable (Aish with Milind Soman- Salman- Vivek- Abhishek) in that order.

For me love marriage is (or should be) one in which people fall for one not because of their designation, physical strength, background etc. but only because they want to be with him and can’t do without him. To be more specific, you select the person because you like spending time with him. He cares for you, he wants to make you feel happy and he will go that extra mile for you. Every other thing (like career) should be figured out after the love happens. But that is a risk which people are not willing to take (again statistically speaking). Those who have taken that kind of risk and successfully stayed in love, are the true lovers. Others are just going with their animal instincts and are not wrong either. Just that I want to name all the marriages as "swayamvara" instead of love or arranged. Now to that reader, who is very much concerned about me, no I am not writing this because someone ditched me for the more powerful. I am perfectly fine. I am just making some observations.